Mark Allen has admitted that it "hurts too much" to watch back the missed shot that denied him a place in this year's World Snooker Championship final.
Needing just one more frame to reach the title decider for the first time, the Northern Irishman inexplicably missed a spotted black, allowing China's Wu Yize to force a deciding frame which he went on to win — and ultimately claim the championship.
The 40-year-old described the past few weeks as "rough," but said throwing himself into charity events through his foundation helped him cope. "Otherwise I may not have left the house," he told BBC Radio Ulster's Sportsound.
Adding to the pain, Allen's young daughter Harley greeted him after his three-week absence by asking, "How did you miss that black, daddy?"
"It was a shocking miss, but I tried my best and it just didn't work out that day," Allen said. He noted there were positives from his run, including reaching his first semi-final at the Crucible.
Allen was praised for his gracious reaction after the loss, acknowledging he had chances and "blew it." He hopes to have more opportunities to win a world title and doesn't want to be defined by that single shot.
Drawing a parallel to Rory McIlroy's quest for a career Grand Slam, Allen said he'd welcome a chat with the golfer to learn how he handled similar disappointment.
The missed black wasn't the only controversial moment: frame 14 lasted over 100 minutes as Allen held the lead with eight reds blocking the black. After a 55-minute stalemate, he accidentally fouled by nudging the black into a pocket, a situation he felt was "handled badly" by officials and commentators.
Allen said in hindsight he would have accepted a re-rack, but at the time felt he was dominating and could win the frame. It didn't turn out that way.