Ashley Rivera struggled to hold back tears as she shared an update on her mother's fight against stage 4 lung cancer.
"We've been in the hospital for almost three weeks now. It's really highs and lows—sometimes I think, 'Oh my gosh, how long will this go on?' or I lose hope. She's so thin and in so much pain. And I know I can't let her see me cry," Ashley said during her guesting on Kara David's podcast "I-Listen."
"Because when she sees us sad, she loses hope too," she added.
Ashley tries to cheer her mother up with jokes. But she admitted it's difficult to hide her own sadness.
"I try my best to smile and make her laugh. There are times when I'm crying in the hospital, and when she looks at me, I say, 'Just acting. It's an acting workshop, Ma—I'm an actress.' It's so hard not to show that I'm struggling, that I'm sad, that I'm hurting," she said.
"It's so hard seeing my mom and my best friend go through all that—I feel so helpless," Ashley continued.
That's why Ashley considers every day she still has with her mother a "blessing" and a "miracle."
One of Ashley's videos showed her singing "You Are My Sunshine" to her mother in the hospital.
Behind that moment, her mother had suffered a seizure that same day.
"Later that day, I saw my mom have a seizure for the first time. I didn't even realize it was a seizure. She suddenly started shaking, her eyes rolled back, and her teeth clenched," Ashley recounted.
Ashley said she thought her mother was saying goodbye.
"It was panicking because you don't know what to do. You're just there watching her, she had an oxygen mask on, and I was holding her hand. She said, 'I can't do this anymore. I have to go. I love you.' I really thought that was it," Ashley said.
"I thought she was saying goodbye—like, 'Wait, Ma, Ma. Hang in there,'" she added.
Thankfully, her mother stabilized.
But Ashley admitted, "It's traumatic. I can't process everything. It's going so slow and so fast at the same time—I can't believe it's been two months of this ordeal."
Loved ones and friends have sent messages of encouragement to Ashley's family.
"Stretch or not, every single day—good or bad—I still have to show up. I have to show up for myself and for her," she said.
Ashley expressed hope that they will overcome this trial.
"And I really do believe in miracles. I see that in my mom, and I'm really thankful she's so loved. She's loved by so many people. I know we are divinely protected, because the pain my mom is going through is extraordinary, but she's fighting it," she said.
Ashley publicly announced her mother's cancer diagnosis on April 1.