England rugby sensation Ellie Kildunne, celebrated for her pivotal role in last year's World Cup victory, has courageously revealed her private struggle with body dysmorphia and disordered eating during the pandemic lockdown.
At just 26 years old, Kildunne dazzled on the world stage, scoring five tries including a spectacular solo effort in front of 82,000 fans during the final against Canada. Yet behind the scenes, the athlete found herself grappling with self-destructive behaviors when her structured athletic life was upended.
"Our lives as athletes are surrounded by control—you're chasing GPS metrics, lifting weights, scoring tries," Kildunne explained. "When that was taken away, I tried to find that sense of control elsewhere."
During lockdown, as part of Great Britain's sevens squad preparing for the postponed Olympics, Kildunne lost access to team training and gym facilities. She turned to running, obsessively seeking faster courses and improved times, while simultaneously restricting her food intake.
The rugby star described how she would exercise to "earn" meals, even slipping out for runs before eating with friends. She reflected on the distorted self-perception that fueled her struggle:
"Body dysmorphia is such a funny thing because I would have been small but I would see myself as bigger in the mirror. In the rugby world, I'm considered small, but in my world outside rugby, I was considered big—so I never really had that place where I felt comfortable."
The physical consequences soon manifested when Kildunne returned to organized rugby. She suffered a stress fracture in her knee, which she attributes to insufficient muscle mass to withstand training intensity. In the gym, her limbs would shake involuntarily during weightlifting sessions.
Kildunne first confided in a physiotherapist at her former club Wasps about her eating problems. Now speaking publicly, she hopes her story will empower others facing similar challenges, demonstrating that even elite athletes can confront mental health struggles behind their professional achievements.